August 27, 2009 @ 6:48 pm | Category: family/relationships, gender/feminism, work
Unfortunately many feminist have not been able to reconcile motherhood and its demands and a full functioning human being. This is evident in the recent essay by Katie Rophie, a diehard feminist, regarding her shockingly loving relationship with her new baby. Some feminist are besides themselves of how to explain this lapse. It’s worth remembering that many, if not most feminist, are perfectly content being mothers and the implication of that relationship. They will also say that they do not want to be reduced to this as the defining relationship of their lives. The discomfort has been fed by liberal feminist’s love affair with the marketplace and the subsequent society’s denegration of value formally associated with women, cooperation, self-sacrifice and benevolence. Liberal feminism is married to the marketplace and its value. Interesting these are the values some radical feminist reject and associate with masculinist values of competition, individualism, and ruthless capitalism. Roiphe is discovering how women managed to survive in their subordinated position for centuries, the power of life giving love.
Why can’t we to get beyond is this dicodomy between motherhood and work? Women, like men, have been created for two God given purposes, relationships and creative work. They are NOT mutually exclusive. It is historical fact that women of excellent talent and potential have been systematically denied the opportunity by family, church, and state to give the world their best whether it’s in science, education, theology, art, music, you name it. That is why people can still ask, why are there no great women composers? It’s not natural, its prescribed.
Nevertheless, women have flourished in areas allowed to them including mothering, nursing, religious work, and some teaching. Let’s have more of everything and cut out this motherhood vs work vs feminism debate.
1 Comment
December 14, 2008 @ 8:35 pm | Category: community, family/relationships
The American tradition of dating is giving way to the hookup. Here is an essay in the New York Times describing the demise of dating. The free and open hook up depends on an atomistic view of the individual at the mercy of the fates. Uncertainty and unrelenting angst may lead some people return to older and more orderly versions of courtship, or maybe arranged marriages. The sensitive independent film Arranged manages to explore both Jewish-Muslim relations and give us insight into the practice. It doesn’t ignore the issues, particularly for women, in traditional ways of marriage. Yet, neither does it categorically dismiss the practice. The contrast between the essay and the film provides fodder for the discussion on how we marry and how we stay married. I highly recommend both.
Add Comment
February 25, 2008 @ 7:38 am | Category: body, family/relationships, technology
See this excellent column by Nancy Gibbs at Time magazine about the moral cost of reproductive technologies.
Add Comment
February 8, 2008 @ 10:40 pm | Category: family/relationships, gender/feminism
Here is an article on marriage from the Atlantic that I think is rather frank regarding something I have noticed. Many bright, articulate women wanting marriage find themselves waiting year after year for the “right” guy, and not realizing how they might be contributing to their own situation. The ideal of marriage has become so romanticized and worked up by Hollywood that we have forgotten what marriage is for. It seems that every woman wants to marry up (why is that?), and when you are pretty impressive yourself it’s rather disconcerting that maybe the ordinary guy in the next cubicle, or the quite nice guy at church might just be what this author calls “good enough.” I disagree that men who are “good enough” are really just that. Maybe the guy who seems to promise all the thrill of a Hollywood romance is really a candle in the wind put out by the first life storm that comes through. This is the point when women need to ask themselves, what is marriage for anyway? How about life long stable, some would call boring, companionship? Most of life is ordinary and mundane so what a good woman needs is a stable “good enough” man. Maybe she can learn to be a “good enough” woman and not make herself into a pretzel trying to please. That may lead to “good enough” parents who aren’t running around trying to raise the next Bill Gates. So now my next question is, why are these articles always about women?
2 Comments
January 4, 2008 @ 11:10 am | Category: body, family/relationships, social justice
Another story in the New York Times about surrogate mothers. This time it’s poor Indian women earning their living by renting their wombs to affluent westerners. The industrialization of human reproduction dehumanizes everyone involved. Talk of rights, choice, and economic necessity are code words that the affluent use to exploit the weakest members of the human race, poor women and children. The view of women in many third world regions allows them to be thought of as little more than a communally owned natural resource. The dignity of all people remains in peril. Yes, it’s dismaying and depressing to think that we live in this kind of world.
3 Comments
October 7, 2007 @ 4:52 pm | Category: family/relationships, gender/feminism
How much is fatherhood changing? I think not as much as we like to think. Well, maybe I’m wrong. Take a look at Time Magazine’s article about fathers who are stay-at-home dads. I’m not skeptical because I believe that there is some lack in men (or that the corresponding moms are emotionally cold). Social, economic and religious pressure simply don’t allow much room for this sort of deviation from traditional ideas of masculinity. A man has to explain it to his parents, his former co-workers, his neighbors, and maybe even his minister. That’s huge social load to carry around making it not a viable option for most. But for those who are doing it well, my hats off to you.
1 Comment
September 5, 2007 @ 9:47 am | Category: family/relationships, work
Read this article in U.S. News about how mothers are rejecting both the full-time career and the soccer mom model. It’s about time that we recognize something that has been going on for all of women’s history. Very few women have had the opportunity, or the inclination, to be full-time homemakers. Most women prefer to nurture their families and be industrious. Except for the upper classes, historically most have worked on the farm, or in a cottage industry, and when they could get away with it they ventured right out into the market place with their wares. The key to success is based on flexible expectations on what makes a good mother, more egalitarian marriages and general community support. Maybe now we can stop reading articles about the mommy wars.
1 Comment
September 4, 2007 @ 9:34 am | Category: family/relationships, media
Talk radio has been buzzing with discussions on the Michael Vick animal cruelty case. Many listeners are bemoaning the punishment of Vick as excessive. One was outraged that Vick had abused dogs, and it would be more understandable if he had slapped his wife. Really! Finally, somebody is saying what I have been thinking. An essay at women’s e-news points out that many professional athletes are notorious for beating up their wives, (remember O.J.) but we aren’t running them out of sport for that. I guess in the minds of most people a dog is innocent while a woman probably did something to deserve it.
Add Comment
August 16, 2007 @ 10:49 am | Category: family/relationships, work
My friend Susan just sent me this story in The New York Times about how little domestic relationships have changed. While women have negotiated a better position in the work place, the responsibilities at home remain virtually unchanged. Due partly to self-inflicted expectations and, partly to ingrained gender habits, women finds themselves overburden with domestic responsibilities, and longing for a good old-fashion wife. While women’s lives have changed in some major ways, men’s lives seem to be what they were in 1950. Underlying all this is a untenable work/home split and employers disregard for the family responsibilities of their workers, male or female.
Add Comment
August 14, 2007 @ 8:43 am | Category: family/relationships, media
This article in this week’s Time magazine suggest that maybe speed-dating, on-line personals, and hook-ups are killing romance. Quick access kills interest. Hollywood is finding itself uninspired by the current mating scene and we are too jaded to believe in romance anymore. Timeless stories of love sound quaint and naive. The thrill may be gone because romance depends on mystery, intrigue and the expectation of a surprise. It’s hard for these to thrive in a full-disclosure, I-am-for-sale world.
Add Comment
